Void

I blame the distance.

It keeps us apart.

Doesn’t allow me to say

What is deep within my heart.

There were times,

I used to think,

life without you was

not worthy of living

Not long ago

when we were still young,

secret promises we had made,

silly songs we had sung.

Then there was the time

when I had to leave,

even though I knew I would soon see you,

after some reprieve.

Emptiness swallowed me whole

It broke. It cracked.

A seemingly strong trust

I never imagined we lacked.

Imagined isolation,

even when you were near.

Lonely nights have passed,

and I’ve shed many a tear.

Words and feelings,

They come to my lip.

But in anger and jealousy,

the balance seems to tip.

Love is consuming they say,

It overpowers rational thought.

Makes you say things you don’t mean.

A lot.

Pride is company,

Ego is my friend.

But always empty handed I stand,

in the end.

I would ask your pardon,

if I only knew how.

All I would say is,

‘Come back to me now’

But in my reality,

idle wishing must end.

A deep sadness remains inside me,

I think I just lost my friend.

This is not a call.

This is not a plea.

I cannot beg you anymore,

to come back and be with me.

My soul wrenches in pain

It boils. It burns.

But the decision should be yours,

especially where I’m concerned.

Not because of a past,

or a future that we might share.

Because you need me.

Because you still care.

Colour me crazy

What do you do when everything you want is against you? Its like that Allanis Morisette song, Ironic..thats what my life feels like. I started this blog to vent out my thoughts, not to anyone in particular. This is my online pensieve just like Dumbledore had his. Turns out that thoughts can be dangerous even when you don't intend it for anyone. Who'd have thunk it?

Anyway..If you are henceforth reading my blog and get offended by it..my apologies in advance. Your problems in life might be bigger, more serious. But the point is they are yours. If I wanna vent.i will VENT!! So live with it. Speaking of which, here's a picture i drew..I call it "feeling blue"..

Other than painting my feelings ..this is wat I do best when I'm sad.. I cry..then I eat chocolate cry some more..then finally fall asleep..How do you vent your frustrations? A friend suggested punching the pillow. I tried it, but denting my pillow didn't quite rid me of all the tension. Screaming into the pillow..now that's a better way the only disadvantage being you might damage you vocal chords. Some people get drunk, some just punch walls. OUCH.

I read somewhere that dressing yourself up is therapy for feeling better. Is that why we shop for so much when we are depressed? I read in a magazine once that wearing yellow is supposed to put you into a better mood. Does it really? By that logic, looking at white should bring you peace? Colour association with mood has always been fascinating to me.

http://www.jacksonpollock.org/..this site is awesome..you should totally try it if you're bored or want something to distract you. Left clicking helps change the colour and space bar is to clear the screen.

Well I better go stare at something yellow then. Or maybe green. Until then Toodles!